It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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