I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
