I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
