these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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