Who did Billy Mays play for?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
