If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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