And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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