Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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