Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
