We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize