i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
