glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
