i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
