Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
