So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
