I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
