My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
