K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
