Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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