I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
