I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
