I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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