there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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