I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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