Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
