I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
