it hurts more in the daytime
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
