Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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