I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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