Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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