i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
