i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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