I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
