Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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