I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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