Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
