All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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