i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
FUCK WHALES
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
