this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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