He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
