I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
