I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
