"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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