I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
