Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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