I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
