Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
