I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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