Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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