Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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